Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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