And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
