apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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