Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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