Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
