so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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