The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
