then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
