On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
