That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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