He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
