I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
