I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
