Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
