you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
