Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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