This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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