chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
