Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
