and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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