Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
