i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
