there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
