some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
