my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
