So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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