she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
