Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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