I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
