wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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