a queef is a wish your heart makes.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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