What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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