sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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