I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
