i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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