your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
