so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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