The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
