ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize