Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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