We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
