she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
