$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
