I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
They took my balls.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
