Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize