One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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