A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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