im drinking this country out of the recession.
i think i have two assholes
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
