I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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