it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
