your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize