also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
