The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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