Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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