I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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