Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
