Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
