I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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