Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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