maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
