More tranny stories later!
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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