so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
