1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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