If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
