should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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