I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
